Wednesday, December 29, 2010
AGAIN I am in no way poking fun at Teena Marie. Just the country 'bamas in my family. So don't be emailing me yo dirty comments about how I am respecting a legend or whatever.
Okay here is the story........................
So there we are sitting at the table with the fam just chilling after the holiday. One of my relatives walks in the door damn near in tears. We all look around like 'what happened"? And here is what was said:
"Girllllll did you hear what happened to Teena Marie? We just heard on the radio that she died.
"Yeah.....my girlfriend just called me and said she had a "grandma asthma attack".
*everyone looks around confused*
"I don't even know what that is. I guess its something old people have."
*everyone still looking around confused*
Conversation goes on for a few minutes.........
"You know what? It wasn't a Grandma Asthma Attack.....It was a Grandma Seizure!!!!"
*confused look around the room again*
Someone replies "Ohhhhh, a Grand Mal Seizure???"
"Yeah that's it!"
Okay, yes my family is country....and no there were no confirmed stories at the time of Teena Marie's death or cause of it....but a "Grandma Asthma Attack/Grandma Seizure"????? iDied like 4 times but came back because my life insurance policy had lapsed ***Note to self: pay insurance***
Not a "Grandma Seizure" doe???? For real??? Is that what had happened???
I knew my family was country as hell but that one took ALL the cake. I still love the person who said this....but you is soooo KUNTRAY!!!! I swear I was about to write down "Grandma Asthma Attack" so I could do a #twitterpoll or Google search on it later. I just knew my friends on Twitter would be able to let me know what it was. But when they said "Grandma Seizure" that was it..I was too th'u.
Make fun of my gramma all you want to.....but this one tops anything I have eva, Eva, EVA EVA EVA said on here.*Chris Tucker voice*
Sunday, December 26, 2010
I don't eat turkey, ham, chitlins, neck bones, and a host of other "black foods" that would make me ineligible for the BBC too. Guess what????? I'on e'en care. I don't qualify for most credit cards on the market either so I don't feel left out. If eatin a chit'lin will get me in the VIP section of the club, just call me a lame. Cuz I ain't goin.
I be eatin sushi, wine and cheese and other exotic foods that other foods that some ghetto folks probably would never see or even try....well unless some rapper raps about it. Then everybody be hollin "ooo I like moscato" when they ain't neva had wine in they life unless you count arbor mist.
Anyway...this is my confession....My name is LuvMeNaturally and I ain't got no BBC card. *whips hair and walks off*
Monday, December 20, 2010
1. Side-ho's - Now y'all know this was gonna be the FIRST one. This is absolutely my BIGGEST pet peeve. Why would you want to be a sideline-ho? What do you really think you are worth if you have to be with somebody else's wife/husband? I really hate when they feel that they are "winning" cuz they are able to pull somebody else's piece...at least temporarily. Here's a thought: Don't you think people who can pull their OWN man are winning more than you are??? I mean really....People irritate me sooooo bad with their excuses for being down with O.P.P.
2. Your vs. You're - Okay so I am NO English professor...y'all be readin these posts so you should know *rolls eyes*..but I seriously loathe seeing people repeatedly say stuff like "your awesome" or "your welcome". I can understand using the wrong "who's or whose" or "to, too, or two" every now and then.....but these are TWO DIFFERENT WORDS (I used the right "two" HAHA). I even can understand seeing it on FB or twitter....but when your College Professor uses it?????? *throws everything off the table*. Just un-enroll from the institution...don't even ask for your money back just keep walkin.
3. Calling me by my GUBMENT name - Yes I said it GUBMENT name. Now some people have approval to do this...and they know who they are. I always introduce myself by my gubment in a professional setting and always follow by saying "Please call me 'usual name' thanks". There are a few people who I know keep calling me by my gubment name just to make me look like this:
|This is how I be wanting to react|
4. Not knowing when you're welcome - (notice I used You're) I cannot STAND it when people don't get the hint. Me and my girl joke about this all the time. We will be sitting there having a conversation and then someone will walk up and we get quiet. Now usually that is a sign that either A) We was taunboutchu or B) We don't wan't you to know what we was taunbout. *trowing my Pinky tantrum* Either way it goes you are NOT welcome. Don't come satchoass down like you part of the conversation. Or when you come and talk to me and I 1)barely acknowledge you 2) am on the phone 3) roll my eyes and turn my back......can't you get the hint???? Go'on now....skeedaddle!
5. Puttin yo nose in my food - Okay not literally, but dontchu hate when somebody be like what you eatin...you tell them.....then they stand there like you supposed to make them a plate? Then put they face by it like oooo that smell good *slaps them* GONE SOMEWHERE AND SADDOWN. Don't be blowin yo boogers all in my food. You ain't offer me nunna yo co'nbread you had for lunch.
6. Internet Bullies - This has caused me to unfollow MANY people on YouTube, Twitter, FB, or any other social networking site. I can't stand a person who thinks that because they have 1000 friends/followers/subscribers that this means they can bully people. I had this one dude who had all these lil ugly jobless girls backing him up when he was tryna roast somebody so he thought he was doin it....Um boo boo don't nobody care that you got a buncha welfare chicks with 7 kids and 8 baby daddies backin you up....that don't give you no cred.........*clicks unfollow and block button*
7. People all up in my computer screen - If I am sitting at MY computer typing, that does not welcome you to what is on my screen. Ain't nobody tell you this was yo bidness!!!! What if I was sending sex texts to my man or something?!?!?! I'on wantchu readin them. Imma just start typing vulgar stuff when people do this just so they can get offended. Like as soon as they look at my screen imma G Chat somebody "aye how was that animal sex you had last night? I heard that was some good stuff!" or "well Kells maybe them young girls like when you pee on 'em so keep doin it". Maybe that will stop them from looking at my screen *writes this down for future reference*
8. People with bad hygiene - Okay this one is sensitive but ohhhhhhhhh so necessary. Now we all have had our bad days of eating too many onions at Chipotle or that 2nd cup of coffee. There are even a few of us who ONE DAY was rushing out the shower and forgot the deodorant......but when you got somebody that stank EVERY DAY????? That is an issue. I know this one girl who had the NERVE to say something about other people needing to wear deodorant and I immediately gave her the Prince Side-Eye:
|The CLASSIC Prince Side-Eye|
I know TA HELL YOU DIDN'T??????? This stanky heffa come up in there er'day FONKAY. I am not even taunbout just deodorant. You can smell this girl's pancreas stankin. I'm like "really, seriously, you gon' just tell them to put on some deodorant when you evidently have ostracized this very thing from your toiletry aresenal???" Heffa say what?!?!?!
It's one thing when you have a bad day or afternoon, but a bad lifetime???? Oh no you didn't!
9. Know-It-All's (KIAs) - Okay let me define this before people look at me like I am crazy. A "know-it-all" (or KIA) is not a person who just knows a lot. A know it all is a person who THINKS they know everything AND are not willing to admit when they are wrong. I know this one lady who will be like "The sky is red" then when you show her the sky is blue she will be like "well right now it looks blue, but you have to think about those people who are color blind and can only see out of one eye while wearing rose colored glasses." Come on nah....just admit you are wrong. Sometimes it is okay to just bow out gracefully.
10. People who always gotta have a better story than you - this one is a little bit different from a KIA because they just always in everybody business and tryna make they business better. You can be tellin a story about how painful your child birth experience was...then here they come....and ain't even got no kids taunbout "well when I went to the hospital with my sister she had been in labor for 5 days...oh it was such a traumatic experience.....blah blah blah blah..." you get the point. Why you always gotta outshine er;body else? Let people get they lil spotlight. Don't nobody even care about your sister....you was adopted anyway!
I know y'all got some pet peeves too. Don't be judging me. Leave them in the comments :)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
When I met my now husband (then boyfriend). He had a lot of female friends. Him and his guys had a lot of girls that would come around. I was cool with the guys and the girls. I mean, most of the guys are like my brothers until this day. Hell I even kicked it with his exes on occasion. I never had a problem with the exes. They always respected me and were real cool. HOWEVER....summa them other chicks was ackin shady like I stole they man or something.
Now I do understand that many of the ho's they hung around was passed through the group (we will call them The Deen Crew) back in the day. I mean I see summa these girls and I will ask "okay which one of y'all hit that (or came close to it)" and usually at least 2 will raise their hand. I think the chicks feel like it is an obligation to stick around so they can make sure to meet the quota of sleeping with 3 or more of "The Deen Crew" in their lifetime. The PROBLEM I have with this, is I think summa these ho's still try to keep my man in this loop (actually I don't think..I know...cuz they have tried).
Now what happens is the ho's come around taumbout "yeah we been close since we lived on ABC street" or "we grew up together so we like cousins" or the famous one "he been like my brother since High School". Of course my husband and I talk about EVERYTHING, so when I ask him he is just like "Iono where they got that from. We was cool but I ain't never call her my sister." So why does she call you brother/cousin/bff now??? It just trips me out because What the hell are they tryna prove?
I know all of the girls who are like sisters and cousins to my man....wanna know why???? Because all of them call me sister or cousin just like they call him. They will call my phone just as much as they call his. They invite me to the birthday parties and tell me to bring him....That is how I know they respect me...these other chicks on the other hand don't act the same way.
The other chicks call him brother and cousin but call me...well ain't no tellin what they be callin me LOL. They will invite HIM to things but not invite me.....thankfully I have a man who truly respects me and will decline any invitation that doesn't have his wife's name on it. Not that I HAVE to go...but he wants to have the option of at least knowing I am as welcomed as he is. If I ain't welcome, he ain't goin and vice versa.
The moral to the story behind this long rant is.........Friends of the opposite sex are okay as long as they can always be mutual friends of you both and they respect you. Yes you always have to be cautious because some ho's will smile in yo face taumbout "oh you so cool" then be tryna get it in wit yo man/woman behind your back. So the key is that first you and your mate respect one another, then make sure people on the outside respect your mate as well. Then just be ready to slap a ho' if they cross the line LOL.
Now I am not saying just go out and make random friends with people of the opposite sex, especially one's that were not around from the beginning. That could be a bomb waiting to explode and turn into a Side-ho. But I am saying that it can happen.
What are your thoughts?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
So now you know what I am doing when I say this. You should try it!!!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
In this post I will show you how the #1 wifey (or husband) is ahead of the game. You think you doin something side-ho????? Think again. Wives may go through some hell after dealing with you side-ho's, but they still WIN, WIN NO MATTER WHAT *throws hands UP...and they stay there, and they stay there, and they stay there*. OH, where was I??? Oh yeah. You side ho's think you doin something but even if the
Check out the play by play.......(****note*** again in this post I use wives as the example but you side-ho men ain't exempt. You are losers as well).
Ike and Tina Turner
Married for 16 years and fo' sho' Ike had a side-ho or 3. I don't know if y'all seen "What's Love Got to do with it" but every time one of em came, they soon left. He wasn't leavin Tina. None of them won. Eventually they got divorced but guess what. We STILL be listening to Tina and watchin her do her thang and she KEPT that name even when he was trippin cuz his daddy gave him that name O__o And where Ike at (well now rest his soul but I mean before that)??? Yep didn't think you really knew.
Katherine and Joe Jackson
Joe was a playa playa. EVERYBODY wanted some tall, dark, and handsome blue-eyed Joe Jackson. And you know what...summa er'body prolly had a piece. But he always brought his tail back home with them 9 kids and good ole Katie. Even though he couldn't keep it in his pants (I mean really.... 9 kids that we know of) he loved him some Katie. Since 1949 AND they STILL TOGETHER (well kinda)...Plus Katherine got the advantage of having control of MJ's ish????? Oh yeah, once again the wife prevails and side-ho loses.......
Swizz Beatz and Mashonda
Well this one is on another note. I guess sometime we all gotta give up a point or 2. Although this coulda been a shut out, this story takes me on a whole different level. There are rumors that he did cheat on Mashonda with Alicia, but some say it was after they were separated. Whatever the case we will give y'all this one....
John and Kate Gosselin
Everybody thought it was so cute they they had all them kids at once (okay not everyone, I rarely watched the show)....anyway I guess all them little rugrats running around finally got to John cuz he got him a lil dip on the side. She thought she was winning for a while too....Eventually John and Kate got a divorce. Jon said some dumb stuff like Kate was cheating too (that is always the excuse. What ever happened to 2 wrongs?????). Looking back at it a year later...Kate is back on TV still getting her fame on even with all them kids. Now where is John????? GO ahead, I'll wait.........*hums jeopardy theme* yeah that's what I thought.
Bill and Hillary Clinton
Okay so this has to be the ultimate betrayal of le' side-ho. I mean er'body and they mama knew about Bill and Monica. We still use catchy phrases based on the popular statement "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". DANG Monica. First of all Bill straight up dismissed you right there. "That woman"???? He couldn't even call you by your gubment name. That how much respect the side-ho's get. Men/women sometimes get weak and they allow you to get under the desk at the oval office and....well you know the story....but when it comes down to it they go back to their powerful wife who eventually becomes senator of New York and then Secretary of State for one of the most popular Presidents EVER.....you be the judge.
Jesse James and Sandra Bullock
Really Jesse??? Your wife was already a pretty nice looking woman and a good actress. Then you wait 'til she got academy awards and er'thang to go and do THIS????????
|Really Jesse??? For Real???|
Mr. Jesse James you are still losing for this one. I mean you ain't have nuthin better ta do???? You lose just for wasting everybody's time to look at this hot mess. Anyway I heard the family is going to spend Christmas together. Yes THE FAMILY....which does not include the side-ho special. See side-ho's can never get a break (not that they need one). Plus Sandra is still an Oscar winning actress and Kat....well she ain't even worth taumbout.
I gotta group all of these together since groupies of sports players seems to ALWAYS be around. I mean I ain't sayin she a gold digger.....but'er'uh......ANYWAY
- Michael and Juanita Jordan - 17 years she put up with it (maybe not all 17 years) but in the end she walked off with $168 Million!!!!! I mean I know Mike is the G.O.A.T. but even that GOTSTA hurt a dude heart (and pockets). $168 Million???!?!?!?!?!?!!? I would say Juanita is winning.
- Shaq and Shaunie - Well besides the child and spousal support she wins because.... well look at him....
|Shaq is a hot mess LOL|
- Kobe and Vanessa - yeah the ho's came swarming. I mean he is one of the greatest players...wait let me save that argument for another blog. Anyway the side-ho's tried to dip in, wasn't satisfied so they threw in rape accusations and er'thang. But what did Kobe do after all that??? He PUT A RING ON IT! And not no punk ring neither. He spent FO' MILLION DOLLAHS $$$$$$$ on it! So not only does he stay with wifey, he shows her that it is worth the stay. Not saying people should stay for material reasons, but I think you know what I mean when you see it.....
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston
I have to admit that Brangelina grew on me after a few years. I look at them and I say awwwww look at all those kids and stuff. They are some humani...humanita......they so nice with they money!!!!! :D and they be adopting every needy kid that ain't American that they can find. Then I thought about it. THAT DIRTY DAWG left the best girl that was on friends for her!!! All Angelina did was got all pouty mouthed and whipped a gun out on him prolly. I don't know what else she whipped on him but she was Doin it, and Doin it, and Doin it well *does that LL dance from the video*. Angelina broke up what seemed to be one of those perfect Prince Charming and Cinderella Marriages with one pucker of them lips. She actually gets an extra point from me on this one.
BUT FINALLY.....................The shot that put us over the top. It was 5 seconds left in the game. This was a 4 point play, with a flagrant foul on top of a home run with a touch down and a field goal PLUS a Hole in One!!!!! (that last one should have tipped you off)
Tiger and Elin Woods
|Yep she is smiling!|
Do I have to really go into this one.....................how many $$$$$$$ mil's did Elin get???? 'Nuff said!!!
*Doin Holy Ghost Dip*
*holding up gold medals*
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Winter in Chicago is like eating fried Oreos or drinking a diet coke with a Big Mac with large fries and extra salt...........it is TOTALLY out of hand! I am so mad cuz I woke up this morning with my vehicle covered and I had no idea it was even gonna snow.You never know what to expect in this city. One December I remember it was about 20 degrees about 5 am.....about noon it was 65.........then about 4 hours later is was 32 and snowing.........Chicago winters are just out of control.
If I hear one more person saying "Yea its snowing" I will poke my eyes out with a snow shovel. The only people screaming this nonsense are obviously people who can't drive. As if road rage around this city is not enough you want to add snow to the equation? The next person I hear singing "Let is Snow", if yo name ain't Shawn, Wanya, or Nate then YA MAMMA!
Angry and covered in snow,
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
1. Wrap it up! It is simple, to the point, and necessary. Stop goin in on these chicks cause they "fine"....ain't nuttin fine about terminal illness. Let's see how them apple bottoms look at the funegra...yeah that wasn't a good visual was it? If you'on want to see it for real then protect yourself.
2. Don't sit on the back of the bus.....Yes Rosa Parks was teaching us a lesson waaaaaaaay back then and she didn't even know it. Do you know what kinda stuff be happening on the back of the bus? Ughn I don't even want to tell you how nasty they is back there. Rosa didn't even want to go back there and see that mess....not because her feet hurt...but because she knew they was back there on some nasty stuff....mmmhmmm my grand daddy told me that. What? You'on believe him??? You're wrong :P
3. Don't trust them cuz they say they love you. If they really love you, they will get tested. Both of y'all can hold hands on the way down to the clintic and smile as the nurse gives you some of those free cheap condoms yes even the minty flavored ones that are supposed to be for.......WAIT I am getting off track. Moral of the story....GET TESTED!
4. SERIOUSLY....I don't want to make this long so I will leave you with this. No, HIV is no longer an immediate death sentence, but it doesn't mean it is fun or easy to live with. Protect yourself and your partner. Be safe and smart.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Now y'all know that we in a recession. Ain't nobody tryna leave no good job with no good bentefits reht nah! We'on know when gas prices goin back up or what this gubment got up they sleeves? We have to be prepared for the worst right?
Or do we???? How long do you hold off on living your dream while working at a job that makes you miserable? Some people can take it....but others just ain't got the patience. They be runnin they pressha up!
But seriously how long would you wait to go after the things you really want to do in life? How long do you stay in misery at a job that seems to be killing you everyday? Is it worth the money now even though the stress could kill you later? Is it worth all of that to make yourself miserable and then when you finally get to the point where you can live your dream you are to old or too sick to do it?
Do something today to take a step closer to your dream. Don't put it off any longer. You and your health will thank me later. I know....because I feel the same way.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Yep I am back. The foolery never stopped...I just been posting it all on Facebook and twitter. I am sorry if you all have not been a part of it. It just means that I don't like you enough to be your FB friend or to follow you on twitter. Don't take it personal :) HAHA
I am back now and the foolishness continues to infinity and beyyyyooooonnnnnddd!!!!!
LOL I miss you all and have more creative, ignant, and funny stories for you. I have learned how to blog from the Blackberry so you will definitely hear more from me.
Y'all come back nah, ya hear????
Saturday, October 16, 2010
(side note: this is dedicated to side ho men and women, but I will refer to it as a woman for the sake of the lesson)
1. "He is gonna leave her for me?"
Ummm has he left yet? You sit up here thinking you really doing something huh? You brag to your friends about this married man that you got. He keeps sweet talking you into thinking that you are the one for him and that he is tired of her and gonna leave her. Take a step back and observe (that means.............never mind look it up) this situation. He been telling you this since 2004...it is now 2010 and he STILL ain't left her. You still giving it up and saving yourself just for him, while he goes home and gets it on with his wife...... prolly every night. Do you really believe he will leave her for you? *in my Tommy voice* Cole....you stooopid.
2. "But he loves me, he don't love his wife anymore"
I guess he must have told you this bull too, or you're ASSuming. If he loved you he would be going to Thanksgiving dinner with you, not her. He wouldn't have to jump in the shower after leaving your house and leave you there looking desperate because he has to rush home to his family. He wouldn't have to have you call him after she is asleep, or out of town...hell he wouldn't have to hide you. You really think he loves you? Go over his mama house and say "Hey yo son loves me not his wife" and see their reaction.................go ahead I'll wait........
3. "He gives me everything that I want....his wife doesn't get what I can from him."
I don't know what you call everything. I guess a coke and a smile will suffice for you. Girl go saddown. You get everything huh??? Well guess what? He is going to work everyday, paying her mortgage and for her kids to go to private school, feeding them and cooking dinner at home for her family, buying her the fancy gifts, and still giving her some good head and lay at the end of the night......and that was just Tuesday!!! What have you gotten??? A conversation in a dark alley in the back seat of his car and a bootleg Gucci bag for $20 (that you actually paid for because you giving him money and he ain't gave you nothin)???? Yep....that's what I thought.
4. "Well she must not be making him happy because he comes to me for happiness"
Another newsflash for ya....It is not that he is unhappy, its that yo dumb @$$ is willing to build upon his happiness by giving him an extra blow job AFTER his wife already did it that morning. Then on top of that you still keep it a secret!!!! Hell I would be happy with an extra blow job a day if I was a dude too. I mean a dog is happy when it gets a doggie treat, but give it 4 or 5 or more and it will eat them until it vomits. A millionaire is happy as hell after his first million but you don't think he want 2 mill in the bank tax free (tax free = no obligation = you the side ho)? You don't make him happy, you just burning extra sperm cells and building his stamina so he can go home to his wife and tear-dat-a......UP that night!
And the most famous line of all times.................
5. "He is only staying for the kids/convenience."
Summa y'all just plain stupid for believing this cuz sometimes he ain't even got no kids!!! The others of you believe he just stays with her because she is gonna hit him for child support if he leaves. Ummmm hello Ms. Dumas (think about it) He is with her now paying her mortgage, car note, child care, grocery bills, medical bills, hair done, nails done, and don't forget her expensive shoe habit, etc. etc. etc. That old adage "its cheaper to keep her" died a long time ago. If he loved you so much he would pay the child support and build all of those things with you. Instead you over here struggling, and he ain't giving you a dime because his wife knows where the money goes so he can't even risk tryna pay your car note (that or he just don't want to pay it anyway). He is gonna use that "staying for the kids" excuse until they in college and then what? He is gonna tell you "oh I am just there for convenience." Yes to conveniently f*ck her and you at the same time, and you still keeping the secret while you been waiting 15 years.
Do me a favor side-ho and getcho mind right. He ain't goin nowhere and if he does, why would you want a man that cheated to be with you? You don't think he will cheat on you? Probably with his ex wife!!! You don't want to end up on an episode of cheaters where you get caught with him and he leaves you embarrassed and on camera for his wife do you???? Yeah I thought not.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
I know it has been a while. Needed some time to get myself in order. Things have NOT been easy and I have truly slipped...but I am back....and its time to get down to business.
This past Friday, September 10th, was my 5th wedding anniversary (Yea us!!!). I am so excited to have gotten through the first 5 years with my best friend. We have truly been through so many things....and I am excited because we have BEEN THROUGH!
Friday was also the day I started my locs again! I can't tell you how excited I am to be back. I thought I wanted to do some things with my loose hair but after 7 months, I realized that I truly missed my locs. I hate that I started over now, but I am ready for the journey again.
I am also excited to get started again on my meal plan. I still haven't shared all of the details because I want you all to see how much it works for me before I put it all out there. Don't want you to just jump into this thing if you can't see evidence that it works. I also don't want to hear all the negativity that I always hear when I start a new program (which I think it at least 10% of the reason that I have failed in the past). Some of you have heard some of the details of the plan, you will hear even more very soon.
Hopefully I will be blogging a lot more now. I have so much to say :)
See you all soon,
Thursday, September 2, 2010
So I have been going through all of my options, and while I won't say right now what the plan is, I can say that at least there is a plan in action. I am ready to get things crackin and start changing my life. Updates coming soon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
As I sat and watched the pain, hurt, anger, and every other possible emotion you could think of, I didn't even know what was going on with my emotions. All I knew is that I needed to comfort him. Whatever he needed, I would get it. When he complained I didn't get angry because I wanted to make him as comfortable as possible. If he said he was hungry I would make him food. If he denied the food once I got it for him that was okay. I just needed to be the best friend that I could be at that moment.
I knew what he was going through, not from personal experience, but I knew all of the signs from when my aunt and cousin died of cancer. The vision and hearing loss, cold one minute and hot the next, then the crazy breathing......I knew the end was near. He didn't want me to tell anyone, but the more he deteriorated the more I knew I needed to inform someone. I wanted to respect his wishes, and although he did have me there, I knew he didn't want to die alone.
So I called his mom and she came right over. We nursed him and made him as comfortable as possible. We both knew the end was very near. She wanted to call in doctors, but we had tried all of that already. I think that she blamed me that it had gotten this far but damn do you think I would do this to my best friend?
I sat and watched him...his breathing was really abnormal now and he was unresponsive. As I went to the sink to get him a cool towel for his warm head, I cried thinking "What will I do without him?". I couldn't stop crying because I knew that I would have to carry on without my best friend. I had never imagined life without him being there. How in the world could I do this?
I sat next to him again, looking at his face. He looked like he was fighting because I couldn't let him go. I didn't want him to be in pain but I didn't want to lose him either. I married this man so young and knew we would spend our old age together. "Why is my husband dying of a tumor?" I thought to myself. I cried again and then suddenly a loud noise................
His alarm clock woke me up. Oh my God it was only a nightmare. I shook him just to be sure. He got up and all I could do was cry. It felt so real. I still couldn't believe I was awake and he was there looking me in my eyes like nothing happened.
We stayed up all morning just talking about how much we mean to one another. I can still feel that crazy feeling in my stomach from that nightmare. I don't take advantage of the time that we have together. If this was a wake up call it truly touched me.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
But I did say that I was going to be consistent. So I will make sure to blog as much as I can. I will also get back on YT (which is hard since I lost my camera and all I have is my webcam).
I do go and see the doctor on Friday and hopefully that is the start of me getting my ish together and fast!
Just venting....really not talking about much today.
Monday, August 9, 2010
I haven't blogged in over a month, I haven't been sticking to any diet or fitness plan, I have just been such a wreck. I've gotten so used to starting over tomorrow that this is my daily motivation. The idea that there is always tomorrow shouldn't apply to everything.
So I just got started today. Sick and ti'ed of being sick and ti'ed. No literally I have been sick and tired. I am on this 6 month journey that I will share more about later.
I want to thank all of you who check on me all the time, I just need more motivation. I will be back on YT soon so check out my vids at youtube.com/user/luvmenaturally.
Will check back in soon....I promise this time.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Saturday, July 3, 2010
It seems like I have control over EVERYTHING else in my life. When I set my mind to it I have gotten whatever I wanted. I got the husband I wanted, the job I wanted, the kids actin right, the house, the car....I mean when I want something I GET IT!!! But when it comes to this weight loss thing....It is just not clicking for me.
Everyone tries to say the same thing. Sometimes I wanna say "you can save all your tips about eating right, exercising, blah blah blah. No offense to you but I know all of that already." The truth is I really do. The perfect plan is etched in my mind like a broken etch-a-sketch that no matter how many times you shake it, the darn thing won't erase. The problem is, I can't stick to that plan.
I already hear alla y'all talnbout "Yes you can. If you know what to do just do it." On the other hand, I know many of you have weaknesses, and you know the consequences of falling to those weaknesses, yet you still fall each time. Food is the one thing that I continue to fall to.
Lawd knows I be tryin and tryin......Now I just gotta pray (although I have been doing that too). There is nothing left to do but keep trying. We fall down, but we get up and alla dat other stuff. I just wanna stay up for a little while longer this time.
Yours Ti'ed as all Hell,
Friday, June 11, 2010
So what had happened was (y'all know that's how the bull starts right?)...
Okay so I will cut the bull and just keep it real. Man this past couple of months have been something else. I decided to get my "hard" classes out of the way early so I took my last (hopefully) English course. All of you read my blog so you know I isn't a good writer. I doesn't write good at all. What is this write thing that you speak of?
Well this is the last week of my writing course. I think it is safe to say that I will end this course with an A+. I still have 100% (A+) as of today. The only thing pending is a few review grades and my final research paper grade. So now I am back with all of the foolishness. The foolery continues ret nah!
I know I can be boring but I am still figuring out how to keep you all slightly entertained with this blog thing so DON'T LEAVE ME Y'ALL! I will sing "I need you now" in my best Smokie Norful voice...No???? Not working???? Okay I'll stop.
I's back and I's been given ma free! I will be even better once I get this English grade. Stay in touch and invite a friend over. Even if I am not home they can help themselves to the cookies and ish...him not down stahs....
See you when I see you (it won't be long this time). Y'all come back nah....ya hear?
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I decided to write this letter to you because I think that you don't take the big people seriously. I mean yeah our clothes are larger and we get a little winded after walking up a flight of stairs, but hey we are people too. I think that you all need to change your attitude toward us especially when you see us out eating. Please take the time out to read all of these things that you do to make big people feel uncomfortable.
1. Stop looking at us crazy while we are at the gym. I won't even go into this again....just read more about that non-sense here. How do you expect us to lose weight if we don't go to the gym?
2. Stop turning up your nose at us when we order a diet coke with our Big Mac and large fries. At least we are cutting calories somewhere. What is worse is when you skinty people try to come behind us and order your dry salad with water all loud so we can hear you. That ain't goin make me not eat my Big Mac, that will only make me go back and order both of us an apple pie.
3. News people stop filming our fat butts from behind and then putting it on the news talking about "The Obesity Epidemic." Why you gotta do it behind my back? Why couldn't you interview me and ask me to my face what I had for lunch instead of assuming I pigged out at the buffet?
4. Speaking of Buffet.....Stop giggling when you see fat people at the buffet. We all came in there for the same reason...To eat all we can eat. Just because I went back for a third plate after you decided to push half of your second plate away doesn't make you better than me. It makes me more frugal than you are. I am getting more for my money. You coulda just bought a sammich and called it a day.
5. Clothing stores stop selling us clothes that you know good and hell well you are going to talk about us when we wear them. Why would you sell a cat suit in size 5x???? You know as soon as Big Beula come to the party in that cat suit
6. Grocery stores stop putting the candy bars right there at the register knowing I was HONGRY when I got here and I can't wait to eat when I get home. You know all them calories are too much for us. You know what you are doing luring us in....got us standing in those long lines with your slow 80 year old cashier who doesn't know how to ring up the ghetto girl with her link (IL foodstamp) card. Just stop putting me in this type of no win situation please.
7. Doctors stop telling people who are 7 pounds overweight that they are "morbidly obese. (Okay maybe its not 7 but 70 but y'all still be trippin). You look at big people like they woke up one day and said "oh please let me be fat" and poof there it was. Your recommended BMI's are ridiculous. I mean you want us to be 5'10" 122 soaking wet. Quit playin doctors. You know men like a little meat on they women and nobody likes a scrawny man. Stop telling fat people to get to a 12 BMI from a 55 when the numbers make no sense. Where is your bedside manner? Go somewhere and eat a chicken leg and fries or something.
8. Airlines stop making those skinny people seats and then *side eyeing* me when I ask you for a seat belt extension. You know those seat belts don't fit a 2 year old. Got me all cramped up with the arm rests pinchin my legs and my feet going to sleep. I gotta act like I am enjoying the view looking out the window through the whole flight becuase I am crying from the pain. Widen those seats and lengthen the seat belts. Fat people gotta fly too.
Stay tuned for more venting updates.....
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I wasn't intimidated
HELLO skinty people???!!! Wake up and go get a sammich or sumthin. I need to be on the treadmill burning some cals. You all up in here with your six pack abs and your collar bone sticking out ackin like (yes I said ackin like) I can't have my fat petooty up on dis here treadmill. Well I got news for you skinty people, I need to be skinty one day too (maybe not skinty, but somewhere around there).
How am I gonna get skinty if I don't hit dis here treadmill? What else would you suggest that I do Mr. and Mrs. skinty pants? You think I should stay at home and use the
News flash skinty people..... when they are selling gym memberships they aren't looking for six pack abs and collar bones. They are looking for the
So don't be O_o me while I am on the treadmill sweating bullets and bout to pass out. Stop looking at me like its 1945 and I walked in the white only bathroom and I am black as Wesley Snipes. I am the one who needs to be there. Just help me up and get me some water after I buss my behind.
Not sincerely at all,
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The medifast plan wasn't a complete bust, but I realized it just isn't for me. I still use the shakes and bars that I have in my meals but I am not following the medifast plan totally.
What I am doing now is simple. Cutting back on the bad sugars, starches, etc. It has always been what has worked for me if I stick to it. My friend Alicia told me a while ago that she started with South Beach and I like that plan. It is a "low carb" plan but a balance meal plan that shows you how to eat healthy carbs that allow you to lose weight.
So far I have been successful. Since getting back from my Journey to the East Coast I am down over 5 pounds. I think that this is the lifestyle change that I need. Eating this way is manageable for life not just for losing weight.
I will keep everyone up to date on my progress. So far at work I am not winning the fitness challenge but all of that is about to change. They better look out because I am determined not only to lose weight but to win that pot!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Day 1 - I got there on Thursday 4/15 and we did some talking, shopping etc. That night she made me my first
Day 2 - Got up early and did a little traveling. We went to Delaware to get some Jerk Chicken (which ended up being spicy baked chicken but it was okay). When we got back from DE her blood sister and cousin were there. She was a little upset that they hadn't come earlier but when they got there her face lit up. She was so excited to see them.
We all went for mani's and pedi's. I didn't end up getting one because 1. Who only has 2 people working in a nail shop on Friday when EVERYBODY and their mama is getting their hands and feet done. 2. The other girls had too many complaints of them messing up or something and I wasn't about to have that. So I just waited around and took some pics.
We left there and went to go pick up more apple martini mix. We went home and had pizza and drinks. We played games and took pics. My sister even had me showing her how to "Chicago Step". She didn't want to do the basics she wanted to get down to the nitty gritty LOL....baby steps sis, baby steps.
Day 3 - We all get up early to go to the Philly Outlets and what do you know.....There is no water. My sister was extremely upset. She called the office who stated that they notified everyone (I guess all but us because we are all sitting there needing showers and ready to go). We ended up kicking it for a minute, taking naps and when we got up we had water. Everyone showered and off we drive to Philly.
Unfortunately the drive was not that easy. We ended up getting lost in Philly. My sister has no sense of direction and to top that off she gets impatient and frustrated once she is lost. I tried to lead her back to the highway but the more I talked the more she was pissed....so I shut up and let her call her husband in Amsterdam for directions.
Finally we make it back to the highway and when it looks like things are good we run into Traffic. This traffic wasn't even slow either. We were at a complete stand still. I just knew the day was over when I saw that vein rising in my sister's neck LOL.
After about an hour of traffic (and almost getting lost again) we finally made it to the outlets. Had some fun shopping even though my sister didn't find a black bag like she wanted.
Later that night we went to The Cheesecake Factory and had dinner. I love that restaurant so I truly enjoyed that. Got back to the house and we were all too tired to do anything else so we went to bed.
Day 4 - Last day in South Jersey. I got up and made pancakes for everyone. We all enjoyed breakfast and watching the RuPaul Drag Race marathon (no comment). Sister and Cuz left back to CT (and my sis cried) and I began packing. It was hard because I was trying to fit all of my clothes PLUS some of the 2 boxes that my sister had for me into my suitcase. It didn't work, LOL
Finally we decide to leave early to head for the airport because my sis doesn't want to get lost again. We got there in record time so I was super early. It was a decent departure but my sister did say that she cried after I left. I miss her and can't wait to do it again.
See you on FB, Twitter, Skype, YouTube and everywhere else sis LOL
Until next time,
Sunday, April 11, 2010
It is so funny that I was just thinking of this because I read in the book "The Gabriel Method" that thin people don't think about what they eat. They just get what they want, eat it, and move on. Fat people on the other hand have to think about what they are eating, how many calories, how many carbs, what they have to do to burn it off, etc.
Here would be an example:
1. Goes into a restaurant.
2. Orders an appetizer, entree, dessert and drink.
3. Gets up, pays, leaves and is merry!
1. Before they even get to the restaurant they are trying to decide if they should just get the salad and a water (with lemon of course).
2. Gto the restaurant they already feel guilty that they are eating out so they debate parking further away so they can walk and burn some extra calories.
3. Go in the restaurant, want to order half over everything on the menu, start feeling guilty and order a salad with low fat dressing (only to begin the meal).
4. Order most fattening thing on the menu with a diet coke
5. Order water with lemon because "it's cuts the fat and I'm getting my water in"
6. Leave 2 bites get a box and feel good about not eating it all (although it was really about 4 servings)
7. Go to the mall and say that the walking around is buring some of the calories from dinner.
8. Go to get some ice cream and get the low fat frozen yogurt but orders 2 servings.
9. Gets home and takes 45 minutes to find the exercise DVDs that are dusty because they haven't been used.
10. Sits down and says "forget it I will start over tomorrow."
Is your life like this? Okay maybe it's not exactly like this but you know exactly what I mean. Why does EVERYTHING we do have to revolve around losing weight. I sat with my girl last night and as I drank my glass of water I said "See I am getting in my water today!" This is how we think about everything that goes on around us. When does this stage end? Does it ever?
I just want to get to the point in my life where I am like the thin person who sits down and orders whatever they want without a second thought. It makes no sense that even when I go to the bathroom I have to think about whether or not I am "regular" and how that is going to affect what the numbers on the scale say tomorrow.
We need a reality show called "When losing weight becomes an obsession."
Saturday, April 10, 2010
So after knowing this lady since 2007 she sends me a message and says "Hey I just noticed you live in Chicago and we are coming to see Tyler Perry." I said ok but thought nothing of it at first. Then last week she says "Where are the good soul food places in Chicago?" Didn't think anything of it. Threw off some names and left it at that.
So today I am at work and I get a text. "Hey I am in Aurora. Where are some good soul food places?" I was so shocked that she was really here. My inspriation, I could even say my shero at some point. I told her where to go, she loved the food, and we set a time to meet.
I found out later that her hotel was minutes from my job (I was at work at the time) and they (her and bf)were going down the street to eat at the mall. Tell me this wasn't God bringing us together (I know you can't so stop trying).
I met them at Rock Bottom Restaurant in York Town Center and we had the greatest time. It was so good to see her in person. I thought she was so beautiful and think that she looks great at her size (we always see stuff differently from the outside though, I know the feeling).
We talked for what seemed like hours and I swear I could have kept it going. It seemed like we have known each other for years, actually we have LOL. I can't wait to continue our journey together. It is just so funny that the 2 people that have inspired me the most (2 ladies that I met on a social site on the internet over 2 years ago) I get to meet them both in the same week. I am so excited! We are going to plan a "Big Reveal Cruise" for next year where we show off our new bodies after we reach our goals. I cannot wait.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
How crazy is it that the McDouble at McDonald's is $1, along with a small fry and sweet tea? For $3 and some tax I can have a full and unhealthy meal, but crack heads gotta scrounge up $10 to get some crack and they get rehab.
Hello my name is Cris and I am addicted to food, junk (especially dark chocolate), and everything else that is making me gain weight......What??? No group of people to say "Hiiii Cris" and then me vent about how hard it was to get through my day yesterday without a slice of pizza?
Okay maybe there are rehabs out there for people like me. I mean it is one thing to be addicted to illegal drugs, or expensive habits like drinking and smoking cigarettes. But what about people who are addicted to something that is NECESSARY for life.....people who are addicted to food. So what do we do? Its not like I will get arrested or lose my job for having a slice of cheesecake. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I would rather have some sort of other addiction. Why does it have to be to food? WHY WHY WHY?????
I am working through my addiction and learning to manage it. Today has been a great day so far. As much as I wanted to devour these chocolate almonds I am pushing them to the side and having a healthy snack. I have to do something to get my life back in order. Healthy is the way that things need to be.
****Side note**** If you have any of the addictions I mentioned or any other addiction I am not trying to talk down on you in any way. I say get help when you can because I know what it feels like to have an adiction that can have a very negative affect on your life. Just like crack can kill, so can junk food. Just like cigarettes can give you lung cancer eating the wrong foods can give you colon, skin, and a number of other cancers. GET HELP!!!!****
Saturday, April 3, 2010
1. I bet you gotcho (yes gotcho) kids some new easter clothes and took them to take pics with the Easter bunny and err'thang. Why you gotta make me sit here all day doin nothin? Me and my kids actually was goin go to church, when the last time you been?
2. How you goin be a company that celebrates Christmas but not Easter? Don't y'all know that without the death we have no life? Or are y'all just some heathens who use Christmas to spend yo big corporate bonuses and buy yo kids a buncha stuff they'on need?
3. How am I goin get to Big Momma's house for dinner if I gotta work a 10 hour shift? Now y'all know Big Momma don't save no plates for nobody who can't even bother to show up.
4. Who goin sit at home helping the kids color eggs with the kitchen all stankin with vinegar and boiled eggs? I can't do that if I'm at work can I?
5. Who goin be at church to hear the kid's Easter Speeches? Now even you heathens know that err'body and they mama come to church on Easter Sunday. Even the kids that ain't been there since last Easter have to say their Easter speeches for they momma, god momma, daddy, play uncle and auntie who don't neva go to church. The only time they hear God's name is in the Easter speeches so who you goin keep them from getting sanctified by making folks work?
I just thought that I should share this letter with you to express my concerns and to hopefully change your heart so that you can give us Easter Sunday off from now on. You have ruined my family corporate heathens and I just don't know what do to.
Me and 'nem
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Anyway I just wanted to let everyone out there know that I am on to your tricks today and I ain't gone believe nothing you say. So don't have a heart attack or go into labor because today i'mon give you a strong *side eye* and leave you on the floor in pain. Catch me on the 2nd and I will call the amalams for you.
You know what is really a fool is how some of this food is tasting. I was hoping somebody jumped outta my bowl and said "April Fool" after I tasted this nasty peach oatmeal. I love oatmeal lawd knows I do.....but this was just not making it. Luckily I looked online and found some ways to spice it up. I was able to finally get through the whole bowl without gagging. I just have to treat this food like I do my own. Add a little love and spice.
Yep this was random......you may now carry on with your day.
Me love you long time ;-) ~LuvMeNaturally
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
So I leave for a
It said this:
Buddy at work: I am going to pick up some "name and website of tastiest soul food restaurant on this side of town" what do y'all want?
Other buddy at work (remember there are only like 3): Wow that menu looks so good. Get me some fried chicken, maccaroni and cheese, greens, and some banana pudding.
Buddy at work: Cool I will call and put in the order in a few.
Message has sat idle for over 30 minutes since I was in a meeting
Me: awww man why y'all gotta order "name of tastiest soul food restaurant on this side of town" now??? Y'all know I am on a strict meal plan.........
Well I wouldn't be typing this if I didn't have some. It was good, but now I gotta get on track. I promise this is the last time (ok maybe not the last but I am focused on not being a fat @$$ anymore so it will be a very VERY limited amount of times).
It was good while it lasted...You know.... kinda like a dude/girl that you meet who is really good in bed but you know you have no future with......don't act like y'all don't know what I mean. O__o Oh well, now I gotta move on.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
So I made these turkey cutlets yesterday to have as a part of my lean and green meal. Those dog'gone things were soooooo good. I mean I seasoned the hell outta them joka's!!! Anyway with my late nights that i stay up of course I started getting hungry...so what did I do? Well since you asked...I decided to have another turkey chop after midnight :O
Technically it was a new day so I didn't really do anything wrong O_o Okay I am a liar. I know that I shouldn't be eating that late especially on my meal plan and especially MEAT.
I don't know what it is, I just get hungrier later in the evening. Like right now I am not really hungry at all but I know I have to eat to stay on track with my meal plan. I may need to adjust my schedule again. I don't want to mess this whole journey up because I can't control my late night hunger. Maybe I will hold off from eating breakfast until about 10. *shrugs* I don't know but I gotta do something.
Monday, March 29, 2010
I opened everything up this morning and although I got off to a late start things are getting back on track. Tried the french vanilla shake as my first meal and I have to say......I kinda didn't like it, but I grinned and bore it.
Had the chocolate mint bars and they were also just ok. The soup......well to make it plain this ain't no gourmet food. Hell I barely made it until I got to eat my romaine salad with my turkey cutlet. I was about to give up on day one!
But I know that is not an option. Everyone told me that the food isn't the greatest but it will do (and at least I still can have my lean green meal).
So I have got to stick to this thing. 325 pounds....I am saying goodbye to this weight right now. I just know next order I will choose which foods I want. I need to order the things that I know I will eat.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I deleted all of my old posts. I just couldn't keep up. I can't count how many social sites I am on not to mention I am just really busy at work. So signing in to a blog site to rant and rave about........well nothing because I am just random......was the last (well maybe not last) thing that I was thinking about.
But its a new day and I realize that blogging gives me some release. It will be hard to keep up with it because vlogging is so much easier and I don't have to sit here and type all these thoughts out. Hopefully I will be able to rant and rave just as well on here as I do on my YouTube Page.
So yeah I may
Anywho I will keep you all updated on my progress. Starting a new weight loss plan tomorrow so you know I have to tell you all about it. It won't be easy, but who said losing this weight would be anyway???
***side note*** Before alla y'all start commenting/emailing me about how it won't work, it's not healthy etc. this is doctor approved. So when y'all start taking my insurance I will start taking your advice. ***end side note***
Oh yeah, and for all of you who have been living on planet PlutaNepturanus I took my locs out so I am rocking the natural again. I will post random pics of styles I am trying and all that great stuff. I will also post some pics of my clients when I do their hair. If you would like to set up your appointment please feel free to contact me at 555-777-9311 or send me a personal message ;-)
Thank you for coming out, God Bless you, Goodnight!