Thursday, May 6, 2010

Dear Skinty people........and summa tha rest'a you...

Dear Skinty people,

I decided to write this letter to you because I think that you don't take the big people seriously. I mean yeah our clothes are larger and we get a little winded after walking up a flight of stairs, but hey we are people too. I think that you all need to change your attitude toward us especially when you see us out eating. Please take the time out to read all of these things that you do to make big people feel uncomfortable.

1. Stop looking at us crazy while we are at the gym. I won't even go into this again....just read more about that non-sense here. How do you expect us to lose weight if we don't go to the gym?

2. Stop turning up your nose at us when we order a diet coke with our Big Mac and large fries. At least we are cutting calories somewhere. What is worse is when you skinty people try to come behind us and order your dry salad with water all loud so we can hear you. That ain't goin make me not eat my Big Mac, that will only make me go back and order both of us an apple pie.

3. News people stop filming our fat butts from behind and then putting it on the news talking about "The Obesity Epidemic." Why you gotta do it behind my back? Why couldn't you interview me and ask me to my face what I had for lunch instead of assuming I pigged out at the buffet?

4. Speaking of Buffet.....Stop giggling when you see fat people at the buffet. We all came in there for the same reason...To eat all we can eat. Just because I went back for a third plate after you decided to push half of your second plate away doesn't make you better than me. It makes me more frugal than you are. I am getting more for my money. You coulda just bought a sammich and called it a day.

5. Clothing stores stop selling us clothes that you know good and hell well you are going to talk about us when we wear them. Why would you sell a cat suit in size 5x???? You know as soon as Big Beula come to the party in that cat suit that looks like some zoo drapes that you goin clown her all night. Just don't do it...DON'T DON'T DON'T!!!!

6. Grocery stores stop putting the candy bars right there at the register knowing I was HONGRY when I got here and I can't wait to eat when I get home. You know all them calories are too much for us. You know what you are doing luring us us standing in those long lines with your slow 80 year old cashier who doesn't know how to ring up the ghetto girl with her link (IL foodstamp) card. Just stop putting me in this type of no win situation please.

7. Doctors stop telling people who are 7 pounds overweight that they are "morbidly obese. (Okay maybe its not 7 but 70 but y'all still be trippin). You look at big people like they woke up one day and said "oh please let me be fat" and poof there it was. Your recommended BMI's are ridiculous. I mean you want us to be 5'10" 122 soaking wet. Quit playin doctors. You know men like a little meat on they women and nobody likes a scrawny man. Stop telling fat people to get to a 12 BMI from a 55 when the numbers make no sense. Where is your bedside manner? Go somewhere and eat a chicken leg and fries or something.

8. Airlines stop making those skinny people seats and then *side eyeing* me when I ask you for a seat belt extension. You know those seat belts don't fit a 2 year old. Got me all cramped up with the arm rests pinchin my legs and my feet going to sleep. I gotta act like I am enjoying the view looking out the window through the whole flight becuase I am crying from the pain. Widen those seats and lengthen the seat belts. Fat people gotta fly too.

Stay tuned for more venting updates.....


Saturday, May 1, 2010

ATTN Skinny People....Stop O_o *side eyeing* the fat people at the gym

So I finally got my butt back in the gym yesterday. It wasn't easy, but I did feel good afterwards. So while I am doing my thang running on the treadmill, I suddenly see an influx of skinny people surrounding me on some of the machines (okay it was really only about 3 or 4). I am doing my brisk walk/jog and this HEFFA jumps on the machine next to me and starts straight up sprinting.

I wasn't intimidated okay maybe a little but then I started to notice the people around me side eyeing me. All the skinty people in there running like they were Olympians are looking at me crazy like I ain't s'posed ta be there.

HELLO skinty people???!!! Wake up and go get a sammich or sumthin. I need to be on the treadmill burning some cals. You all up in here with your six pack abs and your collar bone sticking out ackin like (yes I said ackin like) I can't have my fat petooty up on dis here treadmill. Well I got news for you skinty people, I need to be skinty one day too (maybe not skinty, but somewhere around there).

How am I gonna get skinty if I don't hit dis here treadmill? What else would you suggest that I do Mr. and Mrs. skinty pants? You think I should stay at home and use the old and dusty workout DVDs that I have only watched once while eating ice cream that I only purchased because people like you are always O_o me at the public gym?

News flash skinty people..... when they are selling gym memberships they aren't looking for six pack abs and collar bones. They are looking for the fat bastards people who need to get in there and lose weight. Do you know how many times I have been approached in the gym and they offer me personal training (even though I already have it and I just don't use it)? I can be running on the treadmill right next to 2 skinty people and who do they tartget? They come after me...WHY??? Well because I need it and you need to go saddown somewhere.

So don't be O_o me while I am on the treadmill sweating bullets and bout to pass out. Stop looking at me like its 1945 and I walked in the white only bathroom and I am black as Wesley Snipes. I am the one who needs to be there. Just help me up and get me some water after I buss my behind.

Not sincerely at all,