Saturday, October 16, 2010

Dear side-ho's.....I hate yo mama's one night stand.

Yes I said it. If yo mama woulda kept her legs closed that one night with that dude she'on e'en remember, then you wouldn't be here making other women look bad. I am tired of hearing the excuses of "the other man/woman" So I have these tips for you to make up for your daddy issues. Please take notes as you will need this guidance to take you through your life's journey.

(side note: this is dedicated to side ho men and women, but I will refer to it as a woman for the sake of the lesson)

1. "He is gonna leave her for me?"

Ummm has he left yet? You sit up here thinking you really doing something huh? You brag to your friends about this married man that you got. He keeps sweet talking you into thinking that you are the one for him and that he is tired of her and gonna leave her. Take a step back and observe (that means.............never mind look it up) this situation. He been telling you this since is now 2010 and he STILL ain't left her. You still giving it up and saving yourself just for him, while he goes home and gets it on with his wife...... prolly every night. Do you really believe he will leave her for you? *in my Tommy voice* stooopid.

2. "But he loves me, he don't love his wife anymore"

I guess he must have told you this bull too, or you're ASSuming. If he loved you he would be going to Thanksgiving dinner with you, not her. He wouldn't have to jump in the shower after leaving your house and leave you there looking desperate because he has to rush home to his family. He wouldn't have to have you call him after she is asleep, or out of town...hell he wouldn't have to hide you. You really think he loves you? Go over his mama house and say "Hey yo son loves me not his wife" and see their reaction.................go ahead I'll wait........

3. "He gives me everything that I want....his wife doesn't get what I can from him."

I don't know what you call everything. I guess a coke and a smile will suffice for you. Girl go saddown. You get everything huh??? Well guess what? He is going to work everyday, paying her mortgage and for her kids to go to private school, feeding them and cooking dinner at home for her family, buying her the fancy gifts, and still giving her some good head and lay at the end of the night......and that was just Tuesday!!! What have you gotten??? A conversation in a dark alley in the back seat of his car and a bootleg Gucci bag for $20 (that you actually paid for because you giving him money and he ain't gave you nothin)???? Yep....that's what I thought.

4. "Well she must not be making him happy because he comes to me for happiness"

Another newsflash for ya....It is not that he is unhappy, its that yo dumb @$$ is willing to build upon his happiness by giving him an extra blow job AFTER his wife already did it that morning. Then on top of that you still keep it a secret!!!! Hell I would be happy with an extra blow job a day if I was a dude too. I mean a dog is happy when it gets a doggie treat, but give it 4 or 5 or more and it will eat them until it vomits. A millionaire is happy as hell after his first million but you don't think he want 2 mill in the bank tax free (tax free = no obligation = you the side ho)? You don't make him happy, you just burning extra sperm cells and building his stamina so he can go home to his wife and tear-dat-a......UP that night!

And the most famous line of all times.................

5. "He is only staying for the kids/convenience."

Summa y'all just plain stupid for believing this cuz sometimes he ain't even got no kids!!! The others of you believe he just stays with her because she is gonna hit him for child support if he leaves. Ummmm hello Ms. Dumas (think about it) He is with her now paying her mortgage, car note, child care, grocery bills, medical bills, hair done, nails done, and don't forget her expensive shoe habit, etc. etc. etc. That old adage "its cheaper to keep her" died a long time ago. If he loved you so much he would pay the child support and build all of those things with you. Instead you over here struggling, and he ain't giving you a dime because his wife knows where the money goes so he can't even risk tryna pay your car note (that or he just don't want to pay it anyway). He is gonna use that "staying for the kids" excuse until they in college and then what? He is gonna tell you "oh I am just there for convenience." Yes to conveniently f*ck her and you at the same time, and you still keeping the secret while you been waiting 15 years.

Do me a favor side-ho and getcho mind right. He ain't goin nowhere and if he does, why would you want a man that cheated to be with you? You don't think he will cheat on you? Probably with his ex wife!!! You don't want to end up on an episode of cheaters where you get caught with him and he leaves you embarrassed and on camera for his wife do you???? Yeah I thought not.

Angrily Stated