Dressin up in the Chi

How y'all be doin? I hope you is fine :)

I know you probably wanted a grand end of year or beginning of year post but-er-uh...........I was on vacation....and you know when Black folks go on break.........we BREAK!

So yeah I didn't even turn on the PC and didn't feel like blogging from the phone......but you know I had some stuff that I wanted to share wit y'all....whooooooo chile I was like alla my blog friends would be CRACKIN UP if they saw this mess.........

So I went to see @kevinhart4real on NYE and maaaaaaaaaaaaaan that show was sumn else. Oh 'you gon' learn ta'night!" (had to be there to get the joke, but I swear it was funny as heck). Anyway I am not going to talk about the comedians.....the real comedy was in the fashion that was there. I mean the whole price of the ticket ( I was main floor 6th row BTW) was worth the laughs we got just from looking around at skinny jeans, fishnet stockings and lacefront madness. Chi-town (which is usually know for being dressed alla way up) made us look real, real, real bad that day.

Let me start with the girl in the seat directly in front of me...I guess she musta been runnin late for the show an er'thang cuz she left out about 13 pieces of her 27 piece. I mean the tickets for that show were pretty expensive so you gotta do what you gotta do to get there in time.....but...um....yeah....throw a bad wig on top of it or something. I know the lights was down most of the show, and maybe you thought no one would see, but er'time the lights came on all I got was a glimpse of half of your 15th track and your dandruff filled scalp. Have some respect for...hell anybody.

S/N******* if you happened to be at the 7:30 show in the 5th row with a jacked up weave that day and you are reading this blog.......then naw I ain't taunboutchu. That was somebody else.... *looks around*

Then one of our "popular" radio personalities "Trey the Choklit Jock..... (for lack of a better term...and by better I mean he's really not all that popular...haha naw I'm playin he cool) came out in some..as the comedian called them..."Cocaine White Loafers". I guess Trey didn't get the "white after labor day" memo. I don't really care about the memo either, but I don't go around on nobody stage blindin er'body with my Super White Shoes. I mean they weren't even segzy shoes...they were just....well white *shrugs*.

Now let me get this next one straight before I get a lot of hate mail.........I'm a big girl. Never denied this at all. But there is one thing I will never wear in public as long as my size is 20 something......Fishnet stockings!!!! (especially with a short skirt) Nope, nope, nope, can't do it. This girl was up in there AT LEAST a Women's Size 34 on a good day if she wasn't bloated and held her stomach in. If she bent over I coulda gave her a colonoscopy (sp) right through the stockings and up her.....well you know. I swear she looked like the net the Forest Gump was catching all the shrimp with. Now I don't usually talk about my big girls who are doing they thing. I mean some big girls gets down....but that chick.....mmmm nahhhh....sad part is somebody screwed her that night and told her that ish looked good. SMH

and finally I must say this and I must say it loudly because apparently dudes out there are not understanding. So listen closely........................

SKINNY JEANS ARE NOT FOR DUDES!!!!!!!!!

I hope they heard me this time because that night, somebody thought they was lookin good comin up in the Chicago theater with skinny jeans on with the waist at they knees....another comedian said it this way and I stand behind this statement........."If you gotta arch your feet to get in your jeans and you're a dude...then you are no longer a dude." You have completely lost your penis card if you point your toes to get them in your jeans. Do not pass go and do not collect $200. And then you got the nerve to sag them???? Aw hell naw. Walkin around looking like that girl who bought her panty hose too small and the crotch part only go right past her knees......GTHOH

Chi-town we are supposed to be known for how bein so fresh and so clean, clean....I bet not EVA go out and see y'all like you were on NYE or imma get my belt.

On the phone with the fashion Poh'lice

~LuvMeNaturally

What Be Irkin' Me? - Volume 1

Yep I had to separate these into volumes because I know there will probably be plenty more of these. I just thought I would make a post of these things so you all can stop doing them know what bugs me the most. I can't think of them all at once, I usually figure out how irritated I am after people continuously piss me off....but trust me there will be plenty of updates on this subject to come. So here we go for the 1st edition of my pet peeves:



1. Side-ho's - Now y'all know this was gonna be the FIRST one. This is absolutely my BIGGEST pet peeve. Why would you want to be a sideline-ho? What do you really think you are worth if you have to be with somebody else's wife/husband? I really hate when they feel that they are "winning" cuz they are able to pull somebody else's piece...at least temporarily. Here's a thought: Don't you think people who can pull their OWN man are winning more than you are??? I mean really....People irritate me sooooo bad with their excuses for being down with O.P.P.

2. Your vs. You're - Okay so I am NO English professor...y'all be readin these posts so you should know *rolls eyes*..but I seriously loathe seeing people repeatedly say stuff like "your awesome" or "your welcome". I can understand using the wrong "who's or whose" or "to, too, or two" every now and then.....but these are TWO DIFFERENT WORDS (I used the right "two" HAHA). I even can understand seeing it on FB or twitter....but when your College Professor uses it?????? *throws everything off the table*. Just un-enroll from the institution...don't even ask for your money back just keep walkin.

3. Calling me by my GUBMENT name - Yes I said it GUBMENT name. Now some people have approval to do this...and they know who they are. I always introduce myself by my gubment in a professional setting and always follow by saying "Please call me 'usual name' thanks". There are a few people who I know keep calling me by my gubment name just to make me look like this:

This is how I be wanting to react

They know good and hell well that they don't be callin me by the Gubment name. This one lady will be all in my face callin me by my "usual" name (or nick name) then when she get in her moods she wanna get all GUBMENT on me.....QUIT PLAYIN HEFFA!!!! That's like calling Bill Clinton "William" or Will Smith "Willard".....call me what I ask you to call me dammit *rolls eyes...punches wall*

4. Not knowing when you're welcome -  (notice I used You're) I cannot STAND it when people don't get the hint. Me and my girl joke about this all the time. We will be sitting there having a conversation and then someone will walk up and we get quiet. Now usually that is a sign that either A) We was taunboutchu or B) We don't wan't you to know what we was taunbout. *trowing my Pinky tantrum* Either way it goes you are NOT welcome. Don't come satchoass down like you part of the conversation. Or when you come and talk to me and I 1)barely acknowledge you 2) am on the phone 3) roll my eyes and turn my back......can't you get the hint???? Go'on now....skeedaddle!

5. Puttin yo nose in my food - Okay not literally, but dontchu hate when somebody be like what you eatin...you tell them.....then they stand there like you supposed to make them a plate? Then put they face by it like oooo that smell good *slaps them* GONE SOMEWHERE AND SADDOWN. Don't be blowin yo boogers all in my food. You ain't offer me nunna yo co'nbread you had for lunch.

6. Internet Bullies - This has caused me to unfollow MANY people on YouTube, Twitter, FB, or any other social networking site. I can't stand a person who thinks that because they have 1000 friends/followers/subscribers that this means they can bully people. I had this one dude who had all these lil ugly jobless girls backing him up when he was tryna roast somebody so he thought he was doin it....Um boo boo don't nobody care that you got a buncha welfare chicks with 7 kids and 8 baby daddies backin you up....that don't give you no cred.........*clicks unfollow and block button*

7. People all up in my computer screen - If I am sitting at MY computer typing, that does not welcome you to what is on my screen. Ain't nobody tell you this was yo bidness!!!! What if I was sending sex texts to my man or something?!?!?! I'on wantchu readin them. Imma just start typing vulgar stuff when people do this just so they can get offended. Like as soon as they look at my screen imma G Chat somebody "aye how was that animal sex you had last night? I heard that was some good stuff!" or "well Kells maybe them young girls like when you pee on 'em so keep doin it". Maybe that will stop them from looking at my screen *writes this down for future reference*

8. People with bad hygiene - Okay this one is sensitive but ohhhhhhhhh so necessary. Now we all have had our bad days of eating too many onions at Chipotle or that 2nd cup of coffee. There are even a few of us who ONE DAY was rushing out the shower and forgot the deodorant......but when you got somebody that stank EVERY DAY????? That is an issue. I know this one girl who had the NERVE to say something about other people needing to wear deodorant and I immediately gave her the Prince Side-Eye:

The CLASSIC Prince Side-Eye

I know TA HELL YOU DIDN'T??????? This stanky heffa come up in there er'day FONKAY. I am not even taunbout just deodorant. You can smell this girl's pancreas stankin. I'm like "really, seriously, you gon' just tell them to put on some deodorant when you evidently have ostracized this very thing from your toiletry aresenal???" Heffa say what?!?!?!

It's one thing when you have a bad day or afternoon, but a bad lifetime???? Oh no you didn't!

9. Know-It-All's (KIAs) - Okay let me define this before people look at me like I am crazy. A "know-it-all" (or KIA) is not a person who just knows a lot. A know it all is a person who THINKS they know everything AND are not willing to admit when they are wrong. I know this one lady who will be like "The sky is red" then when you show her the sky is blue she will be like "well right now it looks blue, but you have to think about those people who are color blind and can only see out of one eye while wearing rose colored glasses." Come on nah....just admit you are wrong. Sometimes it is okay to just bow out gracefully.

And Finally

10.  People who always gotta have a better story than you - this one is a little bit different from a KIA because they just always in everybody business and tryna make they business better. You can be tellin a story about how painful your child birth experience was...then here they come....and ain't even got no kids taunbout "well when I went to the hospital with my sister she had been in labor for 5 days...oh it was such a traumatic experience.....blah blah blah blah..." you get the point.  Why you always gotta outshine er;body else? Let people get they lil spotlight. Don't nobody even care about your sister....you was adopted anyway!


I know y'all got some pet peeves too. Don't be judging me. Leave them in the comments :)


Slightly Annoyed,

~LuvMeNaturally

What???? Your boyfriend has a girlfriend???

I hear many people debate on whether or not it is okay for a person in a relationship to have "good" friends of the opposite sex. Some females will say things like "well I don't like females so I hang wit dudes" and others may say "Why allow the temptation around your relationship?" It is a debate that many may have for a long time, but is there really a concern?

When I met my now husband (then boyfriend). He had a lot of female friends. Him and his guys had a lot of girls that would come around. I was cool with the guys and the girls. I mean, most of the guys are like my brothers until this day. Hell I even kicked it with his exes on occasion. I never had a problem with the exes. They always respected me and were real cool. HOWEVER....summa them other chicks was ackin shady like I stole they man or something.

Now I do understand that many of the ho's they hung around was passed through the group (we will call them The Deen Crew) back in the day. I mean I see summa these girls and I will ask "okay which one of y'all hit that (or came close to it)" and usually at least 2 will raise their hand. I think the chicks feel like it is an obligation to stick around so they can make sure to meet the quota of sleeping with 3 or more of "The Deen Crew" in their lifetime. The PROBLEM I have with this, is I think summa these ho's still try to keep my man in this loop (actually I don't think..I know...cuz they have tried).

Now what happens is the ho's come around taumbout "yeah we been close since we lived on ABC street" or "we grew up together so we like cousins" or the famous one "he been like my brother since High School". Of course my husband and I talk about EVERYTHING, so when I ask him he is just like "Iono where they got that from. We was cool but I ain't never call her my sister." So why does she call you brother/cousin/bff now??? It just trips me out because What the hell are they tryna prove?

I know all of the girls who are like sisters and cousins to my man....wanna know why???? Because all of them call me sister or cousin just like they call him. They will call my phone just as much as they call his. They invite me to the birthday parties and tell me to bring him....That is how I know they respect me...these other chicks on the other hand don't act the same way.

The other chicks call him brother and cousin but call me...well ain't no tellin what they be callin me LOL. They will invite HIM to things but not invite me.....thankfully I have a man who truly respects me and will decline any invitation that doesn't have his wife's name on it. Not that I HAVE to go...but he wants to have the option of at least knowing I am as welcomed as he is. If I ain't welcome, he ain't goin and vice versa.

The moral to the story behind this long rant is.........Friends of the opposite sex are okay as long as they can always be mutual friends of you both and they respect you. Yes you always have to be cautious because some ho's will smile in yo face taumbout "oh you so cool" then be tryna get it in wit yo man/woman behind your back. So the key is that first you and your mate respect one another, then make sure people on the outside respect your mate as well. Then just be ready to slap a ho' if they cross the line LOL.

Now I am not saying just go out and make random friends with people of the opposite sex, especially one's that were not around from the beginning. That could be a bomb waiting to explode and turn into a Side-ho. But I am saying that it can happen.

What are your thoughts?

~LuvMeNaturally

How I know that side-ho's are NOT winning in 2010...........

Yep I been keeping score. Since ho's wanna play the game like they winners I had to let it be known.....you ho's that wanna be on the side are setting up for failure. You'on believe me??? You're wrong! Wanna know why? Well check out this post about side-ho's and how they completely fail at life.

In this post I will show you how the #1 wifey (or husband) is ahead of the game. You think you doin something side-ho????? Think again. Wives may go through some hell after dealing with you side-ho's, but they still WIN, WIN NO MATTER WHAT *throws hands UP...and they stay there, and they stay there, and they stay there*. OH, where was I??? Oh yeah. You side ho's think you doin something but even if the victim person that has been cheated on leaves, divorces, yada yada.....they are still winning.


Check out the play by play.......(****note*** again in this post I use wives as the example but you side-ho men ain't exempt. You are losers as well).

Ike and Tina Turner

Married for 16 years and fo' sho' Ike had a side-ho or 3. I don't know if y'all seen "What's Love Got to do with it" but every time one of em came, they soon left. He wasn't leavin Tina. None of them won. Eventually they got divorced but guess what. We STILL be listening to Tina and watchin her do her thang and she KEPT that name even when he was trippin cuz his daddy gave him that name O__o And where Ike at (well now rest his soul but I mean before that)??? Yep didn't think you really knew.

Score:
Wives: 1
Side-ho's: 0


Katherine and Joe Jackson

Joe was a playa playa. EVERYBODY wanted some tall, dark, and handsome blue-eyed Joe Jackson. And you know what...summa er'body prolly had a piece. But he always brought his tail back home with them 9 kids and good ole Katie. Even though he couldn't keep it in his pants (I mean really.... 9 kids that we know of) he loved him some Katie. Since 1949 AND they STILL TOGETHER (well kinda)...Plus Katherine got the advantage of having control of MJ's ish????? Oh yeah, once again the wife prevails and side-ho loses.......

Score:
Wives: 2
Side-ho's: 0


Swizz Beatz and Mashonda

Well this one is on another note. I guess sometime we all gotta give up a point or 2. Although this coulda been a shut out, this story takes me on a whole different level. There are rumors that he did cheat on Mashonda with Alicia, but some say it was after they were separated. Whatever the case we will give y'all this one....

Score:

Wives: 2
Side-ho's: 1


John and Kate Gosselin

Everybody thought it was so cute they they had all them kids at once (okay not everyone, I rarely watched the show)....anyway I guess all them little rugrats running around finally got to John cuz he got him a lil dip on the side. She thought she was winning for a while too....Eventually John and Kate got a divorce. Jon said some dumb stuff like Kate was cheating too (that is always the excuse. What ever happened to 2 wrongs?????). Looking back at it a year later...Kate is back on TV still getting her fame on even with all them kids. Now where is John????? GO ahead, I'll wait.........*hums jeopardy theme* yeah that's what I thought.

Score:
Wives: 3
Side-ho's: 1

Bill and Hillary Clinton

Okay so this has to be the ultimate betrayal of le' side-ho. I mean er'body and they mama knew about Bill and Monica. We still use catchy phrases based on the popular statement "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". DANG Monica. First of all Bill straight up dismissed you right there. "That woman"???? He couldn't even call you by your gubment name. That how much respect the side-ho's get. Men/women sometimes get weak and they allow you to get under the desk at the oval office and....well you know the story....but when it comes down to it they go back to their powerful wife who eventually becomes senator of New York and then Secretary of State for one of the most popular Presidents EVER.....you be the judge.

Score:
Wives: 4
Side-ho's: 1


Jesse James and Sandra Bullock

Really Jesse??? Your wife was already a pretty nice looking woman and a good actress. Then you wait 'til she got academy awards and er'thang to go and do THIS????????

Really Jesse??? For Real???

Mr. Jesse James you are still losing for this one. I mean you ain't have nuthin better ta do???? You lose just for wasting everybody's time to look at this hot mess. Anyway I heard the family is going to spend Christmas together. Yes THE FAMILY....which does not include the side-ho special. See side-ho's can never get a break (not that they need one). Plus Sandra is still an Oscar winning actress and Kat....well she ain't even worth taumbout.

Score:
Wives: 5
Side-ho's: 1

I gotta group all of these together since groupies of sports players seems to ALWAYS be around. I mean I ain't sayin she a gold digger.....but'er'uh......ANYWAY

• Michael and Juanita Jordan - 17 years  she put up with it (maybe not all 17 years) but in the end she walked off with $168 Million!!!!! I mean I know Mike is the G.O.A.T. but even that GOTSTA hurt a dude heart (and pockets). $168 Million???!?!?!?!?!?!!? I would say Juanita is winning. 

•  Shaq and Shaunie - Well besides the child and spousal support she wins because.... well look at him.... 

Shaq is a hot mess LOL

 okay for real, cuz I don't want anyone to think that leaving their spouse for physical appearance is warranted in any way. But Shaq can't be just living with the strippers who probably own that wig he has on. Shaunie wins here for walking away with big bucks in spousal and child support as well as getting a role in her reality tv show. Side-ho who? EXACTLY.

• Kobe and Vanessa - yeah the ho's came swarming. I mean he is one of the greatest players...wait let me save that argument for another blog. Anyway the side-ho's tried to dip in, wasn't satisfied so they threw in rape accusations and er'thang. But what did Kobe do after all that??? He PUT A RING ON IT! And not no punk ring neither. He spent FO' MILLION DOLLAHS $$$$$$$ on it! So not only does he stay with wifey, he shows her that it is worth the stay. Not saying people should stay for material reasons, but I think you know what I mean when you see it.....

DAAAYYYYUUUMMMM!!!!

Score:


Wives: 8
Side-ho's: 1


Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston

I have to admit that Brangelina grew on me after a few years. I look at them and I say awwwww look at all those kids and stuff. They are some humani...humanita......they so nice with they money!!!!! :D and they be adopting every needy kid that ain't American that they can find. Then I thought about it. THAT DIRTY DAWG left the best girl that was on friends for her!!! All Angelina did was got all pouty mouthed and whipped a gun out on him prolly. I don't know what else she whipped on him but she was Doin it, and Doin it, and Doin it well *does that LL dance from the video*. Angelina broke up what seemed to be one of those perfect Prince Charming and Cinderella Marriages with one pucker of them lips. She actually gets an extra point from me on this one.

Score:


Wives: 8
Side-ho's: 3

BUT FINALLY.....................The shot that put us over the top. It was 5 seconds left in the game. This was a 4 point play, with a flagrant foul on top of a home run with a touch down and a field goal PLUS a Hole in One!!!!! (that last one should have tipped you off)













Tiger and Elin Woods

Yep she is smiling!

Do I have to really go into this one.....................how many $$$$$$$ mil's did Elin get???? 'Nuff said!!!

*Doin Holy Ghost Dip*

Score:
Wives: 1,000,000,000,008

Side-Ho's:............don't even matta no mo'

*holding up gold medals*

~LuvMeNaturally

When do you bring your dreams back?

Okay now alla us have gone through the phases of having a dream and doing what you can to achieve that dream, then putting the dream off to take care of yourself and your family. We all know that you gotta work to eat and keep a roof over your head and sometimes that means putting your dreams off until a later date.

Now y'all know that we in a recession. Ain't nobody tryna leave no good job with no good bentefits reht nah! We'on know when gas prices goin back up or what this gubment got up they sleeves? We have to be prepared for the worst right?

Or do we???? How long do you hold off on living your dream while working at a job that makes you miserable? Some people can take it....but others just ain't got the patience. They be runnin they pressha up!

But seriously how long would you wait to go after the things you really want to do in life? How long do you stay in misery at a job that seems to be killing you everyday? Is it worth the money now even though the stress could kill you later? Is it worth all of that to make yourself miserable and then when you finally get to the point where you can live your dream you are to old or too sick to do it?

Do something today to take a step closer to your dream. Don't put it off any longer. You and your health will thank me later. I know....because I feel the same way.


Stay blessed.

~LuvMeNaturally

Dear side-ho's.....I hate yo mama's one night stand.

Yes I said it. If yo mama woulda kept her legs closed that one night with that dude she'on e'en remember, then you wouldn't be here making other women look bad. I am tired of hearing the excuses of "the other man/woman" So I have these tips for you to make up for your daddy issues. Please take notes as you will need this guidance to take you through your life's journey.

(side note: this is dedicated to side ho men and women, but I will refer to it as a woman for the sake of the lesson)

1. "He is gonna leave her for me?"

Ummm has he left yet? You sit up here thinking you really doing something huh? You brag to your friends about this married man that you got. He keeps sweet talking you into thinking that you are the one for him and that he is tired of her and gonna leave her. Take a step back and observe (that means.............never mind look it up) this situation. He been telling you this since 2004...it is now 2010 and he STILL ain't left her. You still giving it up and saving yourself just for him, while he goes home and gets it on with his wife...... prolly every night. Do you really believe he will leave her for you? *in my Tommy voice* Cole....you stooopid.

2. "But he loves me, he don't love his wife anymore"

I guess he must have told you this bull too, or you're ASSuming. If he loved you he would be going to Thanksgiving dinner with you, not her. He wouldn't have to jump in the shower after leaving your house and leave you there looking desperate because he has to rush home to his family. He wouldn't have to have you call him after she is asleep, or out of town...hell he wouldn't have to hide you. You really think he loves you? Go over his mama house and say "Hey yo son loves me not his wife" and see their reaction.................go ahead I'll wait........

3. "He gives me everything that I want....his wife doesn't get what I can from him."

I don't know what you call everything. I guess a coke and a smile will suffice for you. Girl go saddown. You get everything huh??? Well guess what? He is going to work everyday, paying her mortgage and for her kids to go to private school, feeding them and cooking dinner at home for her family, buying her the fancy gifts, and still giving her some good head and lay at the end of the night......and that was just Tuesday!!! What have you gotten??? A conversation in a dark alley in the back seat of his car and a bootleg Gucci bag for $20 (that you actually paid for because you giving him money and he ain't gave you nothin)???? Yep....that's what I thought.

4. "Well she must not be making him happy because he comes to me for happiness"

Another newsflash for ya....It is not that he is unhappy, its that yo dumb @$$ is willing to build upon his happiness by giving him an extra blow job AFTER his wife already did it that morning. Then on top of that you still keep it a secret!!!! Hell I would be happy with an extra blow job a day if I was a dude too. I mean a dog is happy when it gets a doggie treat, but give it 4 or 5 or more and it will eat them until it vomits. A millionaire is happy as hell after his first million but you don't think he want 2 mill in the bank tax free (tax free = no obligation = you the side ho)? You don't make him happy, you just burning extra sperm cells and building his stamina so he can go home to his wife and tear-dat-a......UP that night!


And the most famous line of all times.................

5. "He is only staying for the kids/convenience."

Summa y'all just plain stupid for believing this cuz sometimes he ain't even got no kids!!! The others of you believe he just stays with her because she is gonna hit him for child support if he leaves. Ummmm hello Ms. Dumas (think about it) He is with her now paying her mortgage, car note, child care, grocery bills, medical bills, hair done, nails done, and don't forget her expensive shoe habit, etc. etc. etc. That old adage "its cheaper to keep her" died a long time ago. If he loved you so much he would pay the child support and build all of those things with you. Instead you over here struggling, and he ain't giving you a dime because his wife knows where the money goes so he can't even risk tryna pay your car note (that or he just don't want to pay it anyway). He is gonna use that "staying for the kids" excuse until they in college and then what? He is gonna tell you "oh I am just there for convenience." Yes to conveniently f*ck her and you at the same time, and you still keeping the secret while you been waiting 15 years.


Do me a favor side-ho and getcho mind right. He ain't goin nowhere and if he does, why would you want a man that cheated to be with you? You don't think he will cheat on you? Probably with his ex wife!!! You don't want to end up on an episode of cheaters where you get caught with him and he leaves you embarrassed and on camera for his wife do you???? Yeah I thought not.

Angrily Stated
~LuvMeNaturally

So black folks need to "Get back on the boat"?!?!?!?!?!

Okay so first of all let me say that I don't like racism. I mean there are so many other things we can dislike such as women who shave half of their head and wear the other side long, or people who wear Ugg's in the Summer, but people are still disliking people because of their race??? SMH

So here is how it all started..(disclaimer...I don't condone either side of this behavior.....)

This was someone's FB status (a white guy)

"just found out my neighbors don't like white people, I said hello to the wife and she turned and walked away, the husband comes over and says not to talk to his wife, I said I was just being neighborly and he told me they don't like white people and they don't talk to white people."

Now I don't have all year to go through all of the comments, I will just post the most interesting ones O__o

Sounds like they are neighboro PROFILING!call Al Sharpton! 

Que???? I won’t even begin going in on the spelling errors….but what’s up with the “Al Sharpton” comment? Were they trying to be funny? If so they failed miserably. Now I am a deep thinker, so what I was thinking from this comment is that they think the black folks always running to Al Sharpton when someone is treating us unfairly. It ain’t our fault that er’time Al get up out the beauty salon chair getting his DO whipped that he seems to find some other so called Civil Rights movement…chile go somewhere and SADDOWN with a dictionary and look up the spelling of neighbor please?!?!?!?!?!?

Next on the comment list......

“Go ask if u can borrow some sugar to make some kool aid!”

This fool might as well done said “Go get you a jheri curl and some fried chicken and watermelon." How stereotypical was this kool aid comment??? I mean really I’m black and I’on e’en drink kool aid (okay maybe sometimes but I prefer a cold pepsi). I wish one of my fool white friends would come to my doe tryna be funny taumbout “can I get some sugar to make me some kool aid my nigga?” Martin Luther The Kang would roll over in his grave as I re-enact the Selma to Montgomery march by marching my foot right up his……

I digress……

Okay here is the one comment I got up and did the Holy Ghost Dip to…

“Beats being called a dumb black nigger behind your back.....”

After I finished Holy Ghost dipping, I lay there and tarried in the presence of EXCELLENCE. This comment gave me the oxygen I needed for the day. I didn’t even need to breathe no mo'. Whatchu know about that?!? When you see me in the street remember you’on know me! Run and tell that home boy! Nuff Said! MESSAGE!

Now this last comment shut the house DOWN. I think Martin Luther The KANG turned over in his grave and Rosa Parks left the Cemetery just to go back to get on the BACK of the bus with no air conditioning and she couldn't even get a Super Transfer. I don’t e’en think she wants to sit in the front NO’MO……

“Tell him to go get back on his boat. No one asked him to be your neighbor anyway!”

I had to do my Pinky Tantrum for about 20 minutes after reading this. SAY IT AGAIN!!!! For real dawg? Get back on his boat???? What if he has a yacht? I am sure you are not talking about that boat are you???? So let me just be the thinker that I am again. I assume that you are talking about that big luxury Carnival Cruise that picked up all those anxious African Travelers over 400 years ago…Is that the “his boat” you are referring to? 

Newsflash most intelligent one…..Ain’t nobody ask to be on that boat in the first place! You ackin (yes ackin) like he got put off the boat and put in the corner for a time out or something. What is really going on? Did you really think IF dude would really go back and say “hey get back on your boat” that the black dude was gone be like “well you know what, I think I kind miss getting my @$$ whooped daily and serving some no good massa. I think you’re right let me go get back on MY boat.” HELL TO THE NAW he wasn’t gone say that. Your friend probably woulda got one of them 400 year ago, on the boat, @$$ whoopins himself! Watch yo mouth or you could be next. 

ANYWAY…Do y’all think I am overreacting?

Very angrily,

~LuvMeNaturally

I need a shot of tequila or something

Things are tough and sometimes I feel like giving up. I know all the rules, I know what i need to do, I just can't get it together.

But I did say that I was going to be consistent. So I will make sure to blog as much as I can. I will also get back on YT (which is hard since I lost my camera and all I have is my webcam).

I do go and see the doctor on Friday and hopefully that is the start of me getting my ish together and fast!

Just venting....really not talking about much today.

Ti'ed Just Ti'ed

I am so tired....tired of trying to get it right and it goes all wrong. I have tried, and tried, and tried again, but I am still not able to even get a good start on it. Yes you guessed it; I am talking about my weight loss journey.

It seems like I have control over EVERYTHING else in my life. When I set my mind to it I have gotten whatever I wanted. I got the husband I wanted, the job I wanted, the kids actin right, the house, the car....I mean when I want something I GET IT!!! But when it comes to this weight loss thing....It is just not clicking for me.

Everyone tries to say the same thing. Sometimes I wanna say "you can save all your tips about eating right, exercising, blah blah blah. No offense to you but I know all of that already." The truth is I really do. The perfect plan is etched in my mind like a broken etch-a-sketch that no matter how many times you shake it, the darn thing won't erase. The problem is, I can't stick to that plan.

I already hear alla y'all talnbout "Yes you can. If you know what to do just do it." On the other hand, I know many of you have weaknesses, and you know the consequences of falling to those weaknesses, yet you still fall each time. Food is the one thing that I continue to fall to.

Lawd knows I be tryin and tryin......Now I just gotta pray (although I have been doing that too). There is nothing left to do but keep trying. We fall down, but we get up and alla dat other stuff. I just wanna stay up for a little while longer this time.

Yours Ti'ed as all Hell,

LuvMeNaturally

Dear Skinty people........and summa tha rest'a you...

Dear Skinty people,

I decided to write this letter to you because I think that you don't take the big people seriously. I mean yeah our clothes are larger and we get a little winded after walking up a flight of stairs, but hey we are people too. I think that you all need to change your attitude toward us especially when you see us out eating. Please take the time out to read all of these things that you do to make big people feel uncomfortable.

1. Stop looking at us crazy while we are at the gym. I won't even go into this again....just read more about that non-sense here. How do you expect us to lose weight if we don't go to the gym?

2. Stop turning up your nose at us when we order a diet coke with our Big Mac and large fries. At least we are cutting calories somewhere. What is worse is when you skinty people try to come behind us and order your dry salad with water all loud so we can hear you. That ain't goin make me not eat my Big Mac, that will only make me go back and order both of us an apple pie.

3. News people stop filming our fat butts from behind and then putting it on the news talking about "The Obesity Epidemic." Why you gotta do it behind my back? Why couldn't you interview me and ask me to my face what I had for lunch instead of assuming I pigged out at the buffet?

4. Speaking of Buffet.....Stop giggling when you see fat people at the buffet. We all came in there for the same reason...To eat all we can eat. Just because I went back for a third plate after you decided to push half of your second plate away doesn't make you better than me. It makes me more frugal than you are. I am getting more for my money. You coulda just bought a sammich and called it a day.

5. Clothing stores stop selling us clothes that you know good and hell well you are going to talk about us when we wear them. Why would you sell a cat suit in size 5x???? You know as soon as Big Beula come to the party in that cat suit that looks like some zoo drapes that you goin clown her all night. Just don't do it...DON'T DON'T DON'T!!!!

6. Grocery stores stop putting the candy bars right there at the register knowing I was HONGRY when I got here and I can't wait to eat when I get home. You know all them calories are too much for us. You know what you are doing luring us in....got us standing in those long lines with your slow 80 year old cashier who doesn't know how to ring up the ghetto girl with her link (IL foodstamp) card. Just stop putting me in this type of no win situation please.

7. Doctors stop telling people who are 7 pounds overweight that they are "morbidly obese. (Okay maybe its not 7 but 70 but y'all still be trippin). You look at big people like they woke up one day and said "oh please let me be fat" and poof there it was. Your recommended BMI's are ridiculous. I mean you want us to be 5'10" 122 soaking wet. Quit playin doctors. You know men like a little meat on they women and nobody likes a scrawny man. Stop telling fat people to get to a 12 BMI from a 55 when the numbers make no sense. Where is your bedside manner? Go somewhere and eat a chicken leg and fries or something.

8. Airlines stop making those skinny people seats and then *side eyeing* me when I ask you for a seat belt extension. You know those seat belts don't fit a 2 year old. Got me all cramped up with the arm rests pinchin my legs and my feet going to sleep. I gotta act like I am enjoying the view looking out the window through the whole flight becuase I am crying from the pain. Widen those seats and lengthen the seat belts. Fat people gotta fly too.

Stay tuned for more venting updates.....

LuvMeNaturally

Food Addiction - Is there a rehab for that?

So everyone else gets to be addicted to stuff that is illegal. You got crack heads, meth heads, weed heads, etc. What do I get to be addicted to???? Food that's what, and it's everywhere you turn.

How crazy is it that the McDouble at McDonald's is $1, along with a small fry and sweet tea? For $3 and some tax I can have a full and unhealthy meal, but crack heads gotta scrounge up $10 to get some crack and they get rehab.

Hello my name is Cris and I am addicted to food, junk (especially dark chocolate), and everything else that is making me gain weight......What??? No group of people to say "Hiiii Cris" and then me vent about how hard it was to get through my day yesterday without a slice of pizza?

Okay maybe there are rehabs out there for people like me. I mean it is one thing to be addicted to illegal drugs, or expensive habits like drinking and smoking cigarettes. But what about people who are addicted to something that is NECESSARY for life.....people who are addicted to food. So what do we do? Its not like I will get arrested or lose my job for having a slice of cheesecake. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I would rather have some sort of other addiction. Why does it have to be to food? WHY WHY WHY?????

I am working through my addiction and learning to manage it. Today has been a great day so far. As much as I wanted to devour these chocolate almonds I am pushing them to the side and having a healthy snack. I have to do something to get my life back in order. Healthy is the way that things need to be.

****Side note**** If you have any of the addictions I mentioned or any other addiction I am not trying to talk down on you in any way. I say get help when you can because I know what it feels like to have an adiction that can have a very negative affect on your life. Just like crack can kill, so can junk food. Just like cigarettes can give you lung cancer eating the wrong foods can give you colon, skin, and a number of other cancers. GET HELP!!!!****

LuvMeNaturally